I haven’t written in awhile. I’m very proud of myself for how far I’ve come but sometimes I hate myself. I hate that I don’t have all the answers. I hate that I don’t have everything figured out. I wish I could say all the pieces fell into place but they haven’t. I wish I could say the pieces are falling into place but I can’t say for sure they are. Why do I feel like I’m living a life in secrecy? Why can’t I shout from the rooftops how happy I am? It’s not fair. I get caught up in social media and compare myself to others. I know the truth behind social media but it doesn’t matter. I “should” be just as happy as everyone else.
Thank God for my daughter. I love her so much. I only want to make her happy. I want to teach her love and kindness. I want her to see me as a role model. I just need to figure this life out before she realizes what a shitshow her mother is. Day by day, moment by moment. Breathe.