The Day my Mom Died (7/30/11 Journal 6, page 176)

I knew one day my mom would die. I knew she lived an unhealthy and depressed life. I just didn’t know when nor was I ready for it. It was early in the morning when I received the call from my father. She had suffered a stroke and could not walk or talk. When we arrived at the hospital she knew who I was but she was unable to communicate. A week later she passed. The night before her passing,I had spent the night in the hospital by my mom’s side. Ironically, it was a very peaceful night. This is going to sound weird but the next morning, I laughingly gave my mother an ultimatum. I didn’t want to have to bury my mother on my birthday. So she either had to pass that day and I bury her a day before my birthday or she had to wait another week. Well my mother must have heard me because she soon took her last breath

Hi-today is 7/30. Well my mom passed away today. Just shy of 67. I didn’t want to leave the hospital. I missed her last breath. I stayed with her last night. Just me and her. It felt really good to be there with her. She didn’t move at all last night. (When she was sleeping) Before that though, something funny happened. I wanted to get in bed with her like I used to whenever I wasn’t feeling well. So I did. After 5 minutes, I felt her arm nudge me away. I laughed because she wanted me out of bed. Yesterday she hardly opened her eyes and when she did, she didn’t really look at you. I’m lucky I was able to get one week with her. She knew we were all there. Especially in the beginning when she would wave. There was a few times I saw her laugh and she even tried giving me a kiss through the oxygen tube. Tonight I went over to my mom’s house to get clothes. We went through a lot of stuff. She has boxes and boxes of unopened stuff. She was so sick. I feel terrible. Tons and tons of things that she kept. In Feb 2000 there was an anonymous letter sent to her asking her to change things in the house. She never did. It’s just sad that she was so sick and never got help. I loved her so much. She was so great to talk to. That’s what I”m going to miss the most. I’ll never be able to call her late to talk to and vent. She’ll never get to meet any of my boyfriends. She won’t be at my wedding or see any of my children. Ok I really have to stop writing so I don’t panic. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one, peace.