I hate YOU. You’re not going to bring me down. Or will you? Stay in the moment. Stay true to yourself. Love yourself. Love ME. Love YOU. YOU’RE who makes me ME. You f*cking f*ck!
Easter
The living room was cleaned twice a year. Easter and Christmas. It often took days to complete. It was never spotless but clean enough for the Easter bunny or Santa Claus to deem acceptable. All I ever wanted was a clean house. A house where I could invite friends over to play. By first grade I knew I was different and lost friends because I couldn’t reciprocate play dates. Easter was second best to Christmas in my opinion. The thought of having the Easter Bunny in MY house was so exciting! He would even leave an egg under my pillow! How cool! We would get a basket full of candy. I do have pretty good memories of waking up and searching for the eggs with my sisters. If only the living room stayed clean. Of course it didn’t. In the later years, the baskets turned into ziploc bags with some candy inside. I’m sure there were some years the living room wasn’t cleared and the eggs were hidden amongst the mess.
This year marks my daughters’ 6th and 3rd Easter. So far we’ve given them amazing experiences. They went to church last weekend and this weekend we are all in Pennsylvania with their cousins. We are creating loving memories and I’m pretty damn proud of that ❤️
Now or Never
I feel like I have more to give. More to share. More to provide. More to educate. But I get sucked into believing this is it. When does hope stop? When is it time to throw in the towel? What if you try and you fail?
I know the answers to these questions. For God sake I’m a teacher. It’s my job to keep believing and encourage. How can I be good at giving but not receiving? I want to toot my own horn and be the best role model possible. I guess I still have a lot to learn. Hopefully one day I will come full circle.
Nobody knows
I can’t believe Twitch did it. Why? There were apparently no signs. I don’t get it. If I did it there would be sign. Nobody knows. It’s a secret club. Nobody really knows what it feels like to want to die. Nobody knows I know.