It’s 10:40pm in a school night. Today was Monday. I took off work today after having the last 10 days off. I needed it, I promise. It was a mental health day and after having suicidal thoughts yesterday, I thought it was necessary to take the day to love my daughter and regroup.
I tried to go to bed at 9. Now it’s 10:43. Ugh! My mind wanders. I’m thinking of all the ways that possibly might make me happy. Too many options and what if I make a move and then I’m not happy? Then what? All I know is I love my daughter. Thank God for her!!!
10:45. Should I read? Should I buy things online? I already browsed social media and that made me feel like 💩. 10:46, it took me 30 seconds to find the 💩 emoji. 10:47.
I hope I’m not too tired for work tomorrow. It’s always hard to go back after a break. According to my boyfriend, I think I lose my mind around this time. He knows the cycle better than I do.
Ok retail therapy it is. I needed a new bikini for my mom bod anyway! Peace out, 10:49
Please take care of yourself. Your daughter means so much to you, but you also mean an awful lot to her and she needs you. Take your CBD it will help you. When I have nights like that now i just keep saying “don’t think” to myself over and over and I usually fall asleep. I know it is horrible to not be able to sleep at night. It use to happen to me all the time. Take care and people do care about you.