This should be awesome right? I’m actually nuts for even considering a cruise but I’ve come so far and I actually think I MAY be able to handle it.
You see, in 2005 I went on an “awesome” cruise. It was awesome until about the third day. I had been off my meds and feeling the best I’d ever felt in my entire life and BOOM!… a huuuuge anxiety attack. I had drank alcohol the night before and that was a trigger for my anxiety. Under normal circumstances I was able to cope but being in the middle of the ocean suddenly threw me for a loop and I freaked out. I’ll never forget the intensity of the anxiety. It’s all written in my journal and I will post the exact words in the near future but let’s just say I literally wanted to jump off the ship. I had never taken Xanax and my sister and I went to the ship’s health services and asked if it was ok that I took my sister’s medicine. I think I took 3 or 4 that first day of anxiety. I’m lucky I stayed on the ship. I highly considered taking the next flight home once we docked at the next port but I forced myself to finish the trip. Not so sure that was the best decision.
Soooooo…about this cruise I booked. April 19th! Luckily it’s only 3 nights and each day we arrive at a new location and I’ll be with my boyfriend, daughter, two sisters and their families. I can do it. I’m not so sure I believe that but after surviving Italy last year I’m more confident I can make it.
Not many people know this side of me. “Wow I’m so lucky to have these great opportunities” many would say. I wish I felt that way. It’s more survival mode for me but like I’ve said, I have come a long way! I’m kinda proud of myself. I’m most thankful for my daughter who keeps me grounded mentally and on my toes physically.
I will find my cruise anxiety attack shortly and post. I’m nervous it will bring back bad memories before I leave for my new cruise but I’ll keep myself checked. Until then, peace out.